gentle

lorrie · Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:16 am Post subject: gentle

i'm trying to teach Isaac to be gentle when turning people's faces to look at him and also taking food from your hand he tends to snatch even tho i am trying to get him to take food without snatching
just wanting to see what other methods others have used to teach their angels to be gentle.
these are the only two areas i don't seem to be able to get him to understand that he needs to be gentle

Magster's Mom · Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:31 am Post subject:

By the time Maggie's little sister Ella was born when Mag turned 3, Maggie was getting pretty good at "gentle touch." We did a lot of hand over hand, gently stroking our own faces with her hand and praising her for being gentle. We stroked her own face with her hands or with our hands and told her how soft and gentle it was. We practiced on stuffed animals and real animals. We ignored grabbing behaviour and just praised gentle touch.

The gentle touch is a developmental thing. It comes with learning to grade your movements so you understand how much force is needed to do something based on how far away your hand is from your body. We found in the beginning that Maggie could be much more gentle with something that was VERY close to her and was more forceful the further something was from her. So when her sister was born, we would put her baby sister RIGHT into her face, nose to nose, or right on her lap and in her arms. She could be much more gentle if her sister was THAT close rather than holding her at arm's length. Maggie's hands tend to flail when they are at arm's length.

With anything to do with Maggie's touching, we find its very important to move closer to her when she grabs, rather than farther away. If she grabs a face or hair, we just quietly move close to her. Its usually a sign that she just wants that close intimacy and we want her to have it. Its instinctive when someone is grabbing for you to move away, rather than close, so we had to train ourselves to move closer. But if Maggie is grabbing for your face and you try to move away, she'll probably grab hair or clothing. If you move closer, instead, then she'll usually drop her hand because she got the proximity she wanted.

Maggie had a habit of grabbing her friend's faces at school. Her hands tend to grab where her eyes are going, so her eyes see faces and her hands follow. Her friends have all learned to grab Maggie's hands as she approaches. All she wants is that closeness and she gets that if she is holding hands or hugging. Mag's friends at school all hug and kiss her and she hugs and kisses them. It is the SWEETEST thing. It started with trying to grab faces, her friends learned to take her hands in theirs instead, and it evolved into Maggie moving in even closer and giving the best hugs and kisses.

Good luck!

Erin
_________________
Erin Sheldon, mom to Maggie, del+, DOB 8/14/03 and Ella DOB 8/19/06. www.sheldonhickey.com

See Maggie star in her movies on YouTube: http://ca.youtube.com/user/magstsersmum

lorrie · Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:01 am Post subject:

i had never given much thought about the distance for isaac as he usually tries to turn my face when im holding him on my hip he is gentle with animals and babies etc but then like you said there usually close when he is touching i'll try holding him closer to me and see how he goes thanks. he still hasent got great motor skills specially for judging distances but he is improving

kpepper · Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 1:23 am Post subject:

Hi
We realized that Colin was using what worked to get our attention/eye contact, but concerned that my jaw would soon be dislocated :) what we did was teach Colin to rub the persons arm to get attention. So if he grabbed at my face, I would actually turn the opposite direction (built up some neck muscle doing that!) and say 'Say excuse me' and I would rub my arm to demonstrate. Eventually I just had to turn other way and he would rub my arm and now he doesn't grab our faces. Well, mostly, still the occassional time.

The snatching was harder. Mostly saying 'Ask permission please' ie sign please, and praise for doing it right.

Karen
_________________
Karen
Mom to Colin, 12yrs, ICD with mosaicism.... Bright Eyes, Big Smile, and Beautiful Soul :)

Magster's Mom · Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 1:53 am Post subject:

Karen,

That's a really important point. Someone told us a few years ago to ALWAYS give Maggie our undivided attention whenever she touched our arms. That was the BEST advice. Its a completely appropriate way to ask for attention and she doesn't have to escalate to behaviours like grabbing or pulling hair to get attention.

Erin
_________________
Erin Sheldon, mom to Maggie, del+, DOB 8/14/03 and Ella DOB 8/19/06. www.sheldonhickey.com

See Maggie star in her movies on YouTube: http://ca.youtube.com/user/magstsersmum